I know that in my title, I’m already opening a can of worms, but this has been weighing on me, so I’m doing it anyway. I recently visited my elderly aunt, who takes great pride in her Christianity and connection to God. Now, this isn’t a judgment, even though it may sound that way. I’m genuinely happy that she has her faith. She’s one of the most positive, wonderful people I know. But for me, it’s under the guise of the term ‘good Christian’ that I’m rolling my eyes.
You see, I didn’t grow up with a strong church background. My grandma on my father’s side, on the other hand, was a little over the top about church. In fact, I’d go so far as to call her a zealot. But to be fair, I don’t know the full story. I was too young to understand the ins and outs of what made her the way she was. What I do know is that there was more to it than what I understood at the time.
Now that I’m older, I sometimes wonder if my perception of her as a child was truly my own or if it was shaped by my parents’ opinions about her and their relationship with her. When you’re young, it’s easy to adopt the views of the adults around you, especially when you don’t have the tools or the context to form your own opinions. As an adult, I’ve had experiences that made me realize my younger self wasn’t always the best judge of people or situations. It’s like that moment when you suddenly understand the phrase “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Looking back, I’m sure I missed a lot.
Still, my childhood impressions of religion lingered, and I’ve had a complicated relationship with the concept of faith ever since. Now, as an adult, I sometimes reflect on what was really going on. I wonder about the choices my family members made and the paths they took. There are a few people on both sides of my family—and extended family—who have “turned to the Lord to save them.” While I respect their choices, I have to admit I sometimes roll my eyes. For me, it’s the language surrounding it, the way some people talk about religion as if it’s a badge of honor that sets them apart from others.
Being religious doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else or exempt from the struggles and responsibilities of life. Maybe it’s the way I perceive certain people who use these terms—like ‘good Christian’—that makes me feel like they’re projecting some sense of superiority. Or maybe they’re not projecting that at all, and I’m just interpreting it that way. Either way, it’s something I wrestle with.
All I really know is that I don’t buy the phrase ‘good Christian.’ Not one bit.
My partner and I have had countless conversations about this. He doesn’t share the same level of frustration or angst that I do. I think part of it is that he was raised in a more religious household and is perhaps more accepting of the terminology and practices. Or maybe I’m just more judgmental. Either way, when I see examples of the ‘good Christian’ attitude, I can’t help but call it out. It bugs me.
When our daughter passed away, one of the concerns that came up among some people was whether she believed in Jesus. My response? Who cares? And I mean that with every fiber of my being. Was she a good person? Was she kind to others? Did she live her life with integrity? Did she contribute to society in meaningful ways? Those are the questions that matter to me.
She didn’t need religion to mask her flaws or provide a reason for her actions. She owned who she was. And to me, that’s so much more valuable than the label of being a ‘good Christian.’
My partner once brought up a really interesting point that stuck with me. He asked, If a little boy in the jungle dies, does he go to hell? Chances are, he wasn’t a ‘good Christian’—he may not have even known what Christianity was. But what kind of God would punish a child for something he never had the opportunity to learn or embrace? How could anyone believe in a God that cruel? Nope. Can’t believe it. Don’t believe it. Won’t believe it.
To me, it’s simple: be a good person. Show up for others. Own your mistakes. Be a better person than you were yesterday. Wake up, have a crappy day, but don’t take it out on others. Extend kindness where you can. That’s what matters.
But don’t hide behind the label of ‘good Christian.’ It’s not about being religious. It’s about being real.